Pain Points: Forgiveness

FORGIVENESS IS “A PROCESS AND NOT AN EVENT”

In my book, “Rainbow in the Night: A Journey of Redemption,” I wrote about the forgiveness process in my own life. It was not easy and actually took many years of counseling and prayer before I could truly forgive the people in my life who hurt me. Now as a counselor and life coach, I can look back through the rear-view mirror and understand from a different perspective how very important it is for our spiritual and mental health to begin the process of forgiveness.

It is unhealthy to keep those hurt feelings locked up deep inside our hearts. If we harbor resentment for too long, it can turn into bitterness and rob us from living a joyful and peaceful life.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Ephesians 4: 31-32 (NIV)

There are many examples of forgiveness in the Bible. One of my favorite passages is the story of King David and his sin of adultery with Bathsheba. That sin led to further sin as David manipulated circumstances and misused his power so that Bathsheba’s husband would be killed in battle. In the end, the Lord used the prophet Nathan to confront David with his sin. Thankfully, David repented, which we can read about both in Psalms 32 and 51.

When David repented, the Lord forgave him completely. It is clear in the New Testament that David’s sin was not mentioned, but instead, he was referred as a man after God’s own heart. That is true forgiveness and redemption.

There are two parts to forgiveness.

The first is admitting our sin, repenting, and asking the Lord to forgive us.

The second part is receiving the Lord’s forgiveness, which can be very difficult for many people.

In my case, there were a couple of sins that took me quite awhile before I could forgive myself. In order to get past that block, I needed to truly accept, at the heart level, Yeshua’s (Jesus’) death on the cross that covered my sins and set me free.

It’s also important to remember that forgiveness is not “forgetting” the wrong perpetrated against us (which could
include abuse). Most of the time, it means we need to seek and receive professional help, set healthy boundaries, and ask loved ones to pray for us. I tell my clients, that in time, we remember our painful past in a healing way so that the Lord can use us to help to others who might be stuck in their forgiveness process.

In my book, I talk about how the Lord helped me in a very specific way to forgive my mother. It was God’s grace that I was able to make peace with her before she died. We need to be “willing to be willing.” The Lord will do the rest as we allow Him to heal and set us free from the bondage of anyone we have not yet forgiven.

I will close with this Scripture that David penned after he was forgiven by the Lord:

“Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit.”
Psalm 32: 1-2 (NIV)

Remember, I am here for you…

Jane “Goldie” Winn, MSS

Author of Rainbow in the Night: A Journey of Redemption

Click on any of the following links to buy my book. Thank you!

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Here is a link to Goldie’s video on Pain Points: Forgiveness

Pain Points: Abuse

In my book, Rainbow in the Night: A Journey of Redemption, I shared my life story in a vulnerable and transparent way. I felt that the reader could better relate to me if I was willing to be brutally honest. The “pain point” I want to focus on in this blog is abuse, which many of us have experienced, whether it be physical, emotional, or sexual.

My father was a renowned psychiatrist and many people looked up to him not only at the hospital where he was the superintendent but also throughout the country as well. His public and private personas were not the same, and this was especially confusing as a child.

Behind closed doors, he was physically and emotionally abusive to me and my older sister. I wrote about the abuse in more detail in my book, but suffice it to say, it was hard to pretend in public that we were the “perfect family.” That was definitely not the case.

For me, it greatly affected my self-esteem, and since I was not allowed to openly express anger or hurt, those feelings turned inward and I became depressed. I went into denial for many years about the abuse and idealized my father because he was highly regarded by so many, and I could see all the good he was doing for the mentally challenged. It wasn’t until many years later when the past abuse got triggered that I came to terms with what really happened and sought professional help to process and heal.

This later allowed me as a therapist and life coach to empathize with clients who also have experienced abuse in their backgrounds. Most people who have abuse in their past feel shame and sometimes blame themselves. It’s important to remember that you are never to blame for someone else’s abusive behavior towards you. It is a violation of your personal boundaries and is never acceptable under any conditions.

If you are struggling in your present day, I highly recommend you seek professional help so you can “face it, trace it, erase it, and replace it.”

When we see ourselves through the eyes of our loving Heavenly Father and know that He identifies with our suffering, this gives us hope that His desire is for our total healing and restoration.

I am deeply grateful for the Lord’s intervention in my life, and now I am no longer held hostage to my painful past. My hope is that you will experience this freedom in your life as well.

John 8:36: “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

Here for you,

 

Jane “Goldie” Winn, MSS

Author of Rainbow in the Night: A Journey of Redemption

Click on any of the following links to buy my book; thank you!

Amazon

Amazon Kindle

Barnes & Noble

 

Here is a link to Goldie’s video on Pain Points: Abuse.

Pain Points: Depression

I wanted to begin talking about pain points that I experienced in my life and wrote about in my autobiography: “Rainbow in the Night: A Journey of Redemption.” When I was a child, I suffered from depression, and my mother always said I would carry around a pocket full of tears wherever I went. In our family of origin, we were not allowed to talk about our feelings, so I buried them down deep into my subconscious mind. Anger turned inward is depression, and because anger was definitely not acceptable, I became depressed. I remember there were times I wanted to die, and at times it felt debilitating. But I was good at masking my depression, and I escaped reading Bobbsey Twin books and pretending I was in a different family. I also slept a lot and wrote in my diary what I was really feeling deep inside.

When I came to know Yeshua (Jesus) as my Messiah in 1974, He immediately gave me the gift of joy. I knew it was a miraculous sign that Yeshua was real as the transformation was unbelievable! The joy of the Lord truly became my strength. However, there were times even in my life as a Believer that I experienced depression during rough patches. I have since learned that even though this Scripture is true, we can get triggered in our present day life and need to protect our vulnerable past hurts: 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here.” (NIV)

I liken it to someone who may have diabetes and needs to make sure the disease is managed by taking insulin, eating a healthy diet, and getting regular exercise. Otherwise, the disease can flare up.

So how do we manage our triggers with emotional illness, you might ask?  It’s different for everyone, but for me, I needed to set appropriate boundaries and not allow emotional abuse in my life ever again. I surround myself with positive people, stay grounded in the Word, have accountability partners to come alongside me when necessary, and most importantly, daily prayer. Another very important principle is to stay grounded in the present. Depression likes to take us back into our past so we can obsess with “if onlys”: “if only I had done…, if only I hadn’t done…”

We only have today, and that is where we must stay, in the gift of the present.

“Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34 (NIV)

Here for you,

 

Jane “Goldie” Winn, MSS

Author of Rainbow in the Night: A Journey of Redemption

Click on any of the following links to buy my book; thank you!

Amazon

Amazon Kindle

Barnes & Noble

 

Here is a link to Goldie’s video on Pain Points: Depression.