Death of Loved Ones, Dreams, and Desires
In my book, Rainbow in the Night: A Journey of Redemption, I wanted to share my life story with vulnerability and transparency. Perhaps one of the most difficult areas we face in life is loss, which is universal and comes in many forms. This side of heaven, we lose many people we love to sickness and death, which at times is untimely and unexpected. We grieve deeply and must come to terms with how to navigate our daily life without our dear ones. It’s important to give ourselves permission to take our time with the grieving process. It is different for everyone, and we need to be gentle with ourselves for however long it takes.
But other losses aren’t so tangible. Perhaps you have hopes and dreams for a particular career, finding your soul mate, difficulty conceiving, divorce, or having to come to terms with the deepest desire of your heart remaining unfulfilled. This is when we need to lean into very deeply into our relationship with the Lord and cleave to Him.
I wrote in my book about some very difficult losses I experienced in my life. But perhaps the one that hurt the most and took the longest time to grieve was the loss of not having children. Without getting into the whole story which I detailed in Rainbow in the Night, my husband and I came to this decision together. However, for me it was a very deep loss. There were times I felt despair, loss of identity, and even struggled with suicidal ideation.
How did I get past this dark season? First of all, I needed to get it out in the open. I sought professional help and asked many dear friends to pray for me every day. I made a decision I was going to view my loss through the lens of the eternal perspective. Once I recognized that what mattered most is how I trust the Lord on earth even when my heart was broken, I began to feel hope again. I engaged in “life giving” activities and allowed myself to grieve what “might have been” if I had become a mother. I listened to Godly counsel, read my Bible and prayed every day. Then I earnestly sought the Lord to reveal His plan for my life. I was surprised when He revealed His will for the next season, but I embraced it and came to see that His ways are higher than our ways.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9) NIV
It comes down to choice and trust. Will we allow the Lord to heal the wound so we can move on and fulfill His purposes for our life, or will we allow bitterness and unforgiveness to rob us from experiencing joy and freedom? I am deeply grateful I chose to surrender completely to the Lord and allowed His transforming love to heal my broken heart.
I know you can do the same, and please know I am here for you…
“I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” (Isaiah 45:3) NIV
Jane “Goldie” Winn, MSS
Author of Rainbow in the Night: A Journey of Redemption
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